You never know what kind of situations you can end up in when you decide to just up and walk out the door without it hitting you in the ass. All the places ive lived, Ozarks in Arkansas, Texarkana Texas, Baton Rouge Louisiana, Missouri, Chicago, San Deigo, Memphis, and one special place that I came to called Phoenix. I had just a real nice fella on the computer and I told him I was worried about being in a bad place. He offered to bring me to Phoenix, and I said “Hell yeah.” All I had on me were my id (paperone from TN), birth certificate, and ss card. When he picked me up, yes I guess you could say I was homeless, just trying to at least stay outta the south. I had been in trouble there a few times and it wasn’t good for me to go back. But this guy came and we took a long trip thrrough these mezmorizing mountain cliffs to the desert and canyons. It was so beautiful. He was interesting as I bewildered him into trying to figure me out. But we got to his place and it looked as if he had just moved in, so I told him I would help straighten his home up and so i did. Then one of the next mornings, he said he needed more of his clothes done, so I told him I would go though the drawers and launder his things.
Now, I didnt have the greatest upbringing, so that leaves me vulnerable to a person who had. I wasnt one to steal or pry, but something was differnent about him. He said he was a city boy, and I knew we were probably as far apart in this world as we could be. But why not, I needed a freind, and by the looks of it, so did he.
So, after he left for work that day, I started pulling out his clothes from the drawers, but it had a really nice pair of shoes. Black, Nikes, not a speck of dirt on them. On my feet were boots that were so worn down you could see my socks, and I hadent even n a new pair of shoes in a long time.
But the next drawer, had another pair, and another and another till I had about 8 pairs of really nice shoes! Plus all his silk shorts, and 100$ shirts. And all of his clothes had no show of wear on them. It was quite a moment for me realizing he wasnt your average person. But like I said, I was lucky to have such a freind in that time of need. No matter who he really was. I didnt even want to know. I was happy that I was safe.
He took me so that I could buy my own shoes, since mine were garbage food, I begain to feel bad, since I was such a vagabond, alone, but that night when I took out my new shoes to try on, slipping them on, the soles of my feet sunk into the midnight blue colored clouds of mercy. A prayer was anwsered. I had a feeling like I had just found what people call satisfaction. I doubt you might read this and think I am poor white trash, that may be. But that day, I had felt what love was ment to feel like. It was all I needed to restart. To walk back to life.
Dine with me Judge, you I have to offer. My sins are great, and I can sin bigger. I belive you owe me, but I can’t let it go. Here, i’d like to offer you my greatest success. I love to cook, and prepared you well I did. The whole feast, just from me.
First they say that a beautiful black robe you have on was made with my souled soul. Secretly you don’t know what horror it took to make it, wrapped up in gold stolen woes, i’m a sinner not a martr. Does it matter in ways that a man understands, or approach with a quick gun quicken end.
First we have fish, caught recently. See how its rapidly breathing? Hes still alive, “cut him here”, I say to the half mortifyed intruder, “the cheek is the best part”, but shys at that bloodly peice I parted.
Next caviar, then pate, it comes from the kitchen of inmates cold sores. Eggs from some poor poisened spawn. Finish it off with a liver bloated mom.
Final course, i’ll serve last to you, would you like to take a look at the screwed you brew? Salamander steak, not for you, only the most insane of bulls meat will due, gall bladder beef stew. I am not the beast that stands on your back porch, or am I lying to myself again.
Yet heres the dessert dont forget too, cherries, whip cream and my dreams, masked crude by you. But the taste yet to sweet but made from stitces and glue, my blood, sweat, and anger all dipped in “sue you” .
Heres the coffie all black like you. Yes i’m a “*igger, how about it, I’m far away from anyone like you. How will you repair the priceless gift you could of been enjoying too.
The yelling. Getting on each others nerves everyday, everynight. 11 years. I had already lost one child to grandparents in a horrible custody ordeal, I was a little more prepared when I knew I had to stop the madness in a realtionship that lasted or would of ended in my last breath. I had to go, and go I did.
Word of mouth sunk me to the bottom, blues I had a decade before, were bluer than ever and facing a most certian losing battle. But I had more backbone these days, and I wasnt so worried about where my childern were, or who was watching them. I knew I couldnt ever come back, at one path stood freedom with regret, or chains made to fit this now old maid.
Reflecting on my lone desiscion, battered hair, like my life, shunned was I. I couldnt give up on my son. still a baby, But not being with your children makes you absoluely petrified of there surroundings. whos feeding them, disiplinging them, teaching them.
I failed at freedom. Someone like me would. But I missed my baby, even though at times I miss out on the fun.
Empires are created by unconventional man. Some who were born with only love of the land, then there are others who have a coward outlook at hand. However there are empires that get laid out from a great plan. Gifts come from those who recognize the higher power, Forcefull.
Empires are made from death numbers unknown and many cities burn and levees that over flood. Deafening scilence makes flags for the cause. Left is the heart and hail the map to fill up the acres that holds a greater power, to lead, is to not be alone.
More than one.
They said there were two.
But it was alot, several personalitys race through me at one time it seemed like. Unknown to you a gift of real jelousy awaits. Secrets i’d die to know. How do you think you saw me, so much I don’t know. However I can’t forget little unmeaningful mistakes. I want to call it a stalemate, but I overjoyed because I overcomed.
So who’s turn is it now, my winning horse is now strong enough to run the full race. I try to hold this hateful bully back, but you did ruin a freindship that you shouldn’t of. My freinds are few, and losing any means certain lonely days. Hard days.
I turned respect for you to hate, a joke in the game, controlling the situation, and forgetting the now, there will not be any peace for me . but you wont lose sleep, . For I have to forget it was a part of my life. I see oeace in my Future, you dirty dried up cows.